Fresno Famous

I’ve always resented crafty people.
I think it’s because I’ve never been able to cut a straight line, or fold a paper airplane or use a glue gun without burning myself.

It’s especially bad around Halloween, when everyone starts coming up with their ridiculously clever costume ideas (President Obama with a Hitler ’stache is so not one, by the way) and I always end up as like, Clark Kent, because I have the glasses (duh) and hat and it’s easy to Sharpie “press” on a white slip of paper.

OK, I’ve never dressed as Clark Kent, but there was that year I wore the child-sized Super Man suit. It sort of fit. The point is, it’s easy to give in and get some store-bought plastic costume, or else forget about Halloween dress-up all together.

But we’re better than that. So we solicited some help, and came up with eight great costume ideas from Fresno’s finest. In no order:

1.) Tract Housing

Wear a beige body suit (maybe beige sweats). Wear a foreclosure sign around your neck. Cool for a group party. Everyone can dress alike.

— Travis Sheridan, blogger, magician, Member Services Director at Central Valley Business Incubator

2.) The Tower Theater

I know some have tried to be the historical theater in the past, but I’m thinking much bigger. Like a foam ball that is attached to a hat one could wear and stick glow sticks out of, then line glow sticks all the way down the chest to a box office that is built out of cardboard and attached via suspenders.

— Renee Newlove, actress, arts supporter, lady of the Rogue Festival

3.) Timmy T

Borrow your friend’s Mercedes, have a camera follow you around as you yell at your girlfriend.

— Michael Banti, blogger with Weird Fresno

Or:

Do nothing. Talk about the costume contest you won in 1988. Park a high-end luxury car in a handicap space.

— Travis Sheridan

4.) Roller Derby Grrrl (not suggested for actual derby grrls)

Needs: Roller skates, fishnets, hot, pink/black outfit, tough looking war-face-paint and ponytails.

— Brenda Carrasco consumption designer, career developer and crafter

5.) Kirk Vartanian

First off, you’ll need four accessories: a pillow (to hold over women’s faces), a knife (to threaten people with), an expensive, balin’ ass watch (and probably some gold chains) and to top if off a $10,000 bottle of the finest champagne. As for a mask, I’ll leave that up to you but I’ll just say this: bifurcated hot dog. In no time you’ll have those beautiful, full lips and all without having to leave your home! Sure women might want to stay away from you but who needs them when you got Kim Kardashian’s number on your cell phone, right?

— Roque Rodriguez, filmmaker, Sweder and blogger at DumdDrum.

6.) Shakespeare vs. MMA

Dress up in Shakespearian costume, but have a black eye and look all beat up. Basically the idea is one of the Shakespeare in the Park actors/fans getting beat up by an MMA fighter/fan.

— Michael Banti

7.) The Three Stages of K-Fed

Go as Kevin Federline — shades, pimp hat, stubble — and stuff three pillows under your shirt. As the Halloween party wears down, you ditch one or more of the pillows. The idea is to represent Kevin in the three stages of his career and three levels of fitness: the slim unknown dancer, the chunky Britney accessory and the bloated Celebrity Fit Club reality nobody.

— Bill McEwen, columnist and radio host

8.) The Fresno Brand

Adorn yourself with the following elements: a) Birkenstocks with thick wool socks and rent a Prius for the night (Land Stewardship) b) A patriotic T-shirt, complete with bald eagle and the flag (Authentic America) c) A Coach bag from the fancy store in Fig Garden Village (Big City Amenities)
Then: a) Call everyone by their first name ... and smile a lot (Small Town Ease) b) Attend a party hosted by someone from a different ethnic background (Diverse Culture) c) Wear a hat with a solar fan on it (Spirit of Innovation)

— Travis Sheridan