Fresno Famous

Oh it was a glorious night with brash, potty-mouthed comedienne Kathy Griffin. She pranced on stage clad in signature black to the boisterous applause of the audience.

I was filled with girly-glee as she bounced her magic hair, preened and shouted, “Hello Fresno.” Cellphones flickered in the dark auditorium like fireflies while their owners twittered, texted and took photos.

Then Kathy wanted to know where “her gays” were. They were there – oh yes! When she called for her lesbian fans, I damn near jumped out of my seat to wave and shout, “I’m here, I’m here” … until I realized that would look odd because my husband of near-20 years was my date. And while I supported equal marriage rights, I wasn’t. actually. gay. The last thing I wanted was to be pointed out as a pretender, so I stayed muted and waited for my heterosexual girl shout out.

After a few jokes about Fresno (which the crowd enjoyed) she put on the brass and socked it to Joe Jackson, Jon and Kate, and “The Real Housewives.” Even her mother wasn’t safe from the razing.

Some of the quips were so audacious I gasped and laughed behind my hand. Yes, Kathy was harsh. She was naughty … and oh so sinfully funny.

Let’s face it, that’s why we were there. Often the redhead said out loud what we secretly thought (yes, Michael Jackson’s kids are really white).

Also, Kathy dishes the dirtiest behind-the-scenes dirt on celebs (Justin Timberlake has a curious voice affectation while chatting with rapper TI) and highlights some of the most ridiculous behavior (Jon’s, formerly of Kate, newest buddy was dad-of-the-year Michael Lohan. Since the recent breakup, he’s on 20-something girlfriend number three -- and she just quit her job as a Star reporter due to a conflict of journalistic integrity.)

Now I realize not everyone appreciates ribald, shocking humor. And frankly, there’s a reason Kathy calls herself an equal opportunity offender. No subject, sacred or otherwise, is safe.

Simply said: Kathy Griffin can really piss some people off.

That was most obvious on her recent episode of “My Life on the D-List.” She bombed at the Apollo over some foul language with children in the audience. She received laughs saying she did some blow with Whitney Houston, but later her choice word for female anatomy was met with stunning silence. As was her next joke and then the band played. Backstage she was lectured for ‘disrespecting’ and banned forever and ever.

So it wasn’t very surprising after the show to find my car had been papered. At first I thought it was a nearby business hawking a special – but on closer look it was a letter.

The opening lines:

"Kathy is a true Catholic. Concerning Lasik Surgery, she advocates turning the other eye.

Ms. Griffin is mad at Sarah Palin. Not about policy. Competition.

Kathy’s former husband’s secret is revealed here: he was taking her ATM card and slipping out in the morning (to Dunkin Donuts).

Kathy went through a Lady Gaga phase: “where are my keys and I think I lost my phone.” No wait, that was her Lasik lazy eye legacy. "

Either I made a weird face or muttered something foul because Jimmy asked, “What is that?”

Uh … was I having a huge brain fart and just not getting the point? “I don’t know.” I blinked my eyes a few times and then read the first couple of sentences again. “You know. I really don’t know. This doesn’t make any sense.”

Jimmy opened the car doors and we got in. “Well, what does it say?”

I relayed the first part to him, then buckled up and continued:

"Dear Barack, please free Kathy Griffin from basic cable and them make HBO free too.

Of course, if the government ran cable broadcast entertainment, they’d overcharge for it,

make you pay for commercials and the equipment, make you pledge allegiance for years at a time

and then present political shouting matches on the “news.”

Better to leave it as is.

Johnny Carson once said that Fresno was like Bakersfield but lacked their nightlight.

Suck it Bakersfield, tonight we don’t roll up the sidewalks downtown until 9:30 PM.

Hmm … “Maybe it’s trying to be funny?”

“Weird.”

"Support critical thinking and the right to free speech – and excuse Kathy for her language. She should be a spokesperson for Tourette’s Syndrome.

Just let her rip a Republican’s governors’ prayer breakfast – that will get funding for a cure fast.

Meanwhile, the teenagers of today will continue to seek thought-provoking entertainment (Transformers 2 excepted).

Let’s teach then reading and critical thinking now so they will understand life, diversity and humor (the California budget for example).

And teach them to read movie reviews BEFORE leaving the house. "

“Whoa, this is just so strange. There’s not a single clear point,” I said.

Obviously there was some issue with Kathy – and what that was exactly I couldn’t ascertain – but the rest? Was the problem with Republicans, Democrats, teens, finding a cure, Transformers or people with Tourette’s? And was the Bakersfield thing a joke? Perhaps it was all an attempt at humor. Whatever. I couldn’t make sense of it from any angle.

I was about to toss it aside like a Chick tract on Halloween when I read the bottom line.

"Jim Barr for school board in 2010, Bullard High Area Seven"

Wait. What?!?! “Is this guy for real?” If so, get him the hell away from my kid.

I read it again silently. “This can’t be right. Either it’s a fake or someone is playing games with this guy.”

A Google search at home did result in an old news story that merely listed Jim Barr among other school board candidates.

However, if this guy really wrote, printed and tucked the message under the wipers of the cars parked at the William Saroyan Theater, I couldn’t say.

All I know ... is the night ended on a bizarre note.

UPDATE:

Life is an interesting, humorous creature. The night with Kathy Griffin ended on a bizarre note -- and today that note started a great conversation.

Jim Barr is real. And yes, he really wrote the note.

And yes, again, he’s running for the Bullard school board in 2010.

Now I don’t claim to understand that note any better today than I did then – but Jim explained: He was trying to be funny. It was his attempt to get on Fresno’s D-list.

Does he hate Kathy? Nope. He wanted to see her but budget constraints interfered. (I know all about that – Thank you again to @KVPR for the tickets!)

What I do understand is bombing a joke. Or twenty. There have been moments where I’m the only one knee-slapping and guffawing – with some pride – at my wittiness. (All right, I pretty much bomb every joke I try to tell. It tends to be my dry sarcasm that saves me.)

So I get it. What’s funny to one … is merely head scratching for another. But I’ll tell you what -- I really enjoyed our chat.

What I learned? He’s a teacher and passionate about his students. He is aware of the issues affecting children with special needs in the school system – and the challenges parents face getting support and services. He also mentioned some roadblocks with college grants and financial aide for those students – I wasn’t aware, like most, and must now investigate.

And you know, when it comes to advocating for children, especially those with challenges, I’m there. So. Totally. There.

Hey, is there a D-list for Fresno? If so … does Jim Barr qualify?

I'm not certified to judge but do think "The Legend of Jim Barr" should be added to Fresno folklore at least. What do you say?